My Faith(less) Story…

I recently had to write down my testimony for the first time. I struggled to make sense of it. In frustration, I said, “God, I thought You would help me with this! Why doesn’t it make sense?!?” God showed me I was still hiding an important piece of my life, which He just recently revealed to me. I grudgingly wrote it down and added it to the beginning of what I had already written and, wouldn’t ya know, it made sense after that. However, I still wasn’t sure why that part was so important to my story; it was tucked away in a dark secret corner of my mind… surely it wasn’t important…? When I got up from writing I felt ashamed… I realized I thought I could hide that part of my life, even from God.

The next day, during a Bible study with some of my friends, I felt I should share my testimony with them… to bring it out of hiding and into the light. When I had finished, one of my friends commented, “Your testimony is such proof of God’s love for us! Even when we stray again and again (and again), He keeps after us.” She really made me stop and think. Had God really been there? Was He there every time I thought I was hidden? Was He there every time I ran away?

I looked up the definition of testimony — a first hand authentication of a fact, evidence; an outward sign; an open acknowledgement — of God’s love for me… His personal love for me… of my personal experience with Him… of His part in my life.

For days I felt empty. I hadn’t realized… I had no idea… He was there all along!…
Oh, He was there all along. 
He sat in my shame with me. He took so much pain from me. He loved me, getting nothing in return… not even acknowledgement.
He was there all along.

I am still unsure how to react to this, how to respond to this kind of love… could it really be true? I asked Him if I could ever push Him to His limits and He said, “My love has no bounds.” He has no limits to push! Each day, with each struggle, with each failure, I’m learning this is true. He will not leave me. He is kind and patient and forebearing… and now when I get in a rut, I wait for Him to come. He is showing me more of His love each day (whether I like it or not).

God, I have only brought pain and suffering to You and yet You come to me with love.
Forgive me for not responding to Your love in the way that I should. 
Teach me to love You and others. You are more than I can comprehend. 

Rachel Weaver

P.S. Below is a link to a song God has given me… it means more to me each day!

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